As I sat down to type, I realized that this post might need to be written in installments. Given the weightiness of this topic, it probably would be easier to digest a little bit at a time.

Now, for all the PC folks who may run across this post, here is my disclaimer:

**This post is experience based only. My intention is to share my story and what has helped me, not to diagnose, discredit, or misconstrue mental illness or any other topic that may be addressed. **  Shall we continue? 😉

33.

Yup…that age still sounds weird to me. But not as weird as 34…which is steadily approaching. Yesterday, I had a brief flash back to my senior year of high school and I wondered…is this where my 17 year old self thought I would be at 33? Heck no. To be honest, I couldn’t even imagine myself being 30. Looks like I defied the odds. I’m such a rebel.

So, what does 33 look like for me? Married with 2.5 kids…nope.

Own a home? Uh uh.

401k? What does that even mean? (I’m kidding…I know what it means, but I don’t have one of those either.)

By the world’s standards, things aren’t looking too good for me right now. And for the last few years, I have let those thoughts creep in and set up shop in my mind. I would evict them but eventually they would come up with the rent money and I would let them back in. It’s been exhausting.

During the last 2 years, my chosen career has had a few dips in the road. Potholes would actually be more accurate. After about the first year of this cycle, I was finding myself more and more depressed. Each avenue I would pray about and pursue would end up being a dead end or a closed door. It seemed that I would never be able to move forward.

“Failure to Launch” maybe?

No…I’m pretty sure I launched. It just seems like I didn’t go very far.

Or did I?

 

My mind was overwhelmed in every aspect of the situation. I was angry, confused, TIRED x’s infinity, and anxiety was showing up everywhere I turned. Jesus tells us to bring our thoughts, troubles… EVERYTHING to Him and He will listen. At times, though, it felt like He wasn’t hearing me much at all.

Exodus 14:14 “The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still.”

This. Verse. Was. Everywhere. I knew He was talking to me…but after a year, I’m like “HOW MUCH LONGER?!?!?!?” His response…”a little longer.” Sigh.

The heaviness surrounding me was almost suffocating and about a month ago, I had had enough. Through bitter tears, I let Him know that I was done with all of this and He was going have to fix it. Turns out, that’s what He was waiting on.

And slowly the fog began to lift.

What happened next??? you might say…lol. Part 2 coming right up…