Eula’s 93rd

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This past weekend I had the joy of attending Eula’s 93rd birthday party. As I am writing this, a sly grin has crept up on my face again because there are scarcely enough words to describe how hilarious and fun this gathering was.

 

But I’m sure this picture might give you a clue…IMG_9879

There were a lot of faces that I hadn’t seen since I was younger and there were quite a few new cousins that I had only known by name. We all mingled around for a little while then it was time for cake!

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Bob Frank was quite content  sitting in his recliner, letting his bride enjoy all of the birthday ruckus.

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There was a steady stream of friends and family that came by to celebrate with Eula. I loved watching her face light up with each hug and kind word.

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A party can’t be complete without the gifts!

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Eula received all the essentials…nail polish, hair clips, fancy new night gowns, flowers, cookies, and a brand new hummingbird feeder.

People were spread out all over the house, but those of us who were in the living room got a real treat. Between  stories about cow bells and ‘full moons’ (Bob Frank shared this one) , there wasn’t a dry eye to be found. Laughing so hard that you cry is so good for the soul!

Then Eula wanted to see all of the little ones…the ones that may only have a glimpse of a memory of her. One thing is for sure, however, these are the little ones she will remember till the day she is called home.

And besides, who can resist a sweet and sassy lady giving you handfuls of Hershey’s kisses?

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As the party came to a close and people began to head home, I found myself realizing how much I missed this…getting together with family (whether I knew them very well or not) and just enjoying the moment. It’s times like these that reach a place in your heart that nothing else can…and sometimes, such as in my case, you don’t realize that they were gone until you are surrounded by them again.

 

Proverbs 31:28-29 Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: “Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.”

Happy Birthday, Eula!
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Into the Mist

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Over the past few days, I have had the privilege of spending time with some dear relatives of mine. I knew of them as I was growing up but was never very close to them.  At the ages of 92 and 94, I find myself sitting on their living room couch listening to stories of train robbers, lessons on cussin’, gardening tips, and other fascinating tales about my family. It’s moments like these I want to bottle up and save because I know that in a blink of an eye…they will be gone.

When I arrive, I find Eula in her usual spot in the little sun room. She is no longer able to walk so she sits in her lift recliner, newspaper and coffee handy, and enjoys the birds outside her window. On this particular day, I notice that she must be feeling a little bit fancy as I see a bottle of pink nail polish on her walker and a bright pink flower in her hair.

She always has a little sass when she speaks, especially when she’s wanting to know what her husband is doing in the kitchen and ‘what all that noise is‘. And he is always up to something. At 94, Bob Frank doesn’t stay put for long. He finds little projects around the house or brings out his tool box and starts making something right in the middle of the kitchen.

Bob Frank loves to garden. He starts his seedlings of peppers and tomatoes inside before he plants them. Eula doesn’t want them in the sun room (he says the best light is in there) because they will take up too much room. So he compromises and puts them in the dining area outside the kitchen. But he lets her know from time to time how much better they would be in the sun room.

 

My mom and I transfer Eula to her next adventure…which is to the living room where she will watch Gunsmoke and Andy Griffith with Bob Frank and discuss who did what and maybe make a phone call to their children. Today, Eula reminds Bob Frank that she wants a birthday party soon so he’d better get to planning it.IMG_9777

Along their walls in their house are numerous pictures…children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren. They both speak of their family with joy and pride and from what I can tell, their family does the same of them. On Easter, Eula told me that there were at least 32 people squeezed into their little house…and she enjoyed every minute of it.

They may not be able to get out and ‘run the roads’ like they used to but their life is full. They have both lived Godly lives and instilled that in their children. And their love has trickled down to everyone around them. They do not argue (just a little fussin’ about the plants from time to time) and they enjoy each others company like they were newly weds. They do not moan and groan about what they CAN’T do but make the most of what they CAN do.

Being around them has gotten me focused on the brevity of life. They have been here nearly a 100 years by the grace of God but I know that that could change at any moment. So how am I spending my ‘moments‘?

“yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes.”-James 4:14

Am I spending all my time focused on me?

Am I investing in other people?

Am I being consumed with all of the little nuisances of life that I forget to look at the big picture?

Am I holding onto pride?

Am I walking where Jesus wants me to go or am I wandering without purpose?

I just learned yesterday that a former classmate of mine lost her father. He was full of life and loved his family and in a moment…he was gone.

We have no set time here on this Earth. Maybe the above questions got you thinking about your own life. I hope it does.

I encourage you to look beyond yourself while you have the time.

Before the Sun comes out and the mist evaporates into thin air.

The Tie(s) that Bind-Part 4

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During this past week, the world has seen another attack on humanity. Another spew of hatred. Everywhere we look nowadays, we are seeing unrest of all kinds…shootings, riots, slander, exploitation, and the slaughtering of innocent people.  However, these situations are nothing new under the sun. You can look back throughout history and see the same type of things have happened before. But it seems like the atmosphere is different this time around. And the rate of which these events are happening is escalating…which brings me to my next ‘string’:

FEAR.

The unspoken tension that often times is the undercurrent in our lives.

I briefly discussed some causes for fear on a global level but let’s talk about some reasons for fear on a smaller scale.

WHAT CAN CAUSE FEAR?

-Loss of a job

-A diagnosis of a deadly disease

-Public speaking (which is the number 1 fear…number 2 is Death.)

-Darkness

-Spiders

-Flying in an airplane

…aaaaannndddd I could go on and on with this list. Everyone is different and have their own fearful situations.

Most recently, mine has been the fear of losing control. I was trying to figure out everything and plan…but almost every time, nothing would work out! That’s how the anxiety started to creep back in. Even the thought of getting free of my dysfunction was scary. It was like a twisted security blanket. I didn’t like where I was but I was afraid of actually letting go. Can anyone else relate?

In the midst of this struggle with fear, I could hear a small voice telling me ‘You aren’t supposed to figure all of this out on your own. You are carrying a load that you weren’t meant to carry. Let Me carry it for you. Trust Me.’ As a follower of Jesus, I knew (head knowledge) that this was true. But my heart couldn’t let go of fear and control to let Him in. So down to the bottom I had to go before I would look up and let go.

Did you know that the phrase “Do Not Fear” appears 365 times in the Bible? That’s one verse for everyday of the year…except for leap year. You have one day to ‘fear’ every four years…haha! But I digress…

As I am coming up out of the stronghold of fear, here are a few things that I carry with me everyday:

-When I begin to get anxious…

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7

-When I feel like I won’t measure up…

“But now, this is what the Lord says…Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine.” Isaiah 43:1

-When the darkness is knocking on my door…

“Humble yourselves, then, under God’s mighty hand, so that He will lift you up in His own good time.  Leave all your worries with Him, because He cares for you.” 1 Peter 5:6-7

-When the world around me is spinning out of control…

“The Lord is my light and my salvation—whom shall I fear?  The Lord is the stronghold of my life—of whom shall I be afraid?” Psalm 27:1

“God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.” Psalm 46:1

Jesus doesn’t say that our lives will be perfect when we decide to follow Him, He says “I have said these things to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

Jesus will give us courage, hope…but there is one thing that God will not give us…and that’s a spirit of FEAR.

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” 2 Timothy 1:7

You and I were not made to stay stuck. You and I were not made to get oddly comfortable with our fears and let it keep us from what He calls us to do. Lean into Him and He will give you the strength to fight your fears and walk in His Love…For He came to overcome fear and death so we may have Light and Life.

“Be strong and courageous.  Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” Deuteronomy 31:6

In these days of turmoil, I want to leave you with some words from Martin Luther King, Jr. “Strength to Love” was originally written in 1963 but the circumstances that he writes about are just as relevant now as they were back then.

“But does love have a relationship to our modern fear of war, economic displacement, and racial injustice? Hate is rooted in fear, and the only cure for fear-hate is love. Our deteriorating international situation is shot through the lethal darts of fear. Russia fears America, and America fears Russia. Likewise China and India, and the Israelis and the Arabs. These fears include another nation’s aggression, scientific and technological supremacy, and economic power, and our own loss of status and power. Is not fear one of the major causes of war? We say that war is a consequence of hate, but close scrutiny reveals this sequence: first fear, then hate, then war, and finally deeper hatred.”(pgs.124-125)

“We know the cure. God help us achieve it! Love casts out fear…Hatred and bitterness can never cure the disease of fear; only love can do that. Hatred paralyzed life; love releases it. Hatred confuses life; love harmonizes it. Hatred darkens life; love illumines it.” (pg.126)

“This faith transforms the whirlwind of despair into a warm and revising breeze of hope. The words of a motto that a generation ago were commonly found on the wall in the homes of devout persons need to be etched on our hearts:

Fear knocked at the door

Faith answered.

There was no one there.” (pg. 131)

 

The Tie(s) that Bind-Part 3

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I love examining human behavior. As I was studying for my Psych degree, part of our curriculum involved exploring different theorists/theories and personality types. I was sucked in! Some of them made sense while others were a bit on the extreme side. Needless to say, I learned a lot about the human condition and how we operate.

As much as I can agree that these tests and theories can be a great help in understanding who we are, they also bring me to my next ‘string.’

So let’s briefly discuss the terms extrovert and introvert.

Extroverts can to be more outgoing, have lots of friends, feel energized by being in social situations, think out loud, and love taking on new tasks.

Introverts are more likely to enjoy time alone, have a few close friends, enjoy small social gatherings,and are observant and self-reflective.

“So how is this a ‘string’?”

The ‘string‘ comes along when you start basing your identity on these titles. And I am afraid I let them become one big knot.

#2 A Worldly Identity

I am an extroverted introvert. I enjoy people and the occasional shin-dig, but too much “people engaging” tends to leave me drained. Being alone to process my thoughts helps me to recharge and prepare for the next encounter.

The downside to this, however, is when I am stressed or overwhelmed, the need for alone time increases. Then I run the risk of isolating myself, which then leads to an unhealthy state of mind. I have been there more times than I would like to admit.

During my current struggle, Jesus reminded me that I am to base my identity on Him. But what am I to do with all of these tendencies? Didn’t you give me some of these traits? Won’t I be denying who I really am? And He gently told me that there was more to this if I would let Him show me. So I decided to listen.

Psalm 46:10//He says, “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.”

Mark 16:15-16//“And he said to them, “Go into all the world and proclaim the gospel to the whole creation. Whoever believes and is baptized will be saved, but whoever does not believe will be condemned.”

These are just 2 examples of many verses in Scripture that demonstrate extroverted AND introverted actions when it comes to following Christ. You mean there’s not just one?? Nope.

So what does this mean?

It means that sometimes we have to do what doesn’t come natural to us in order to grow and be used by God. Get outside of our comfort zone. For the extrovert, that might mean taking the time to stop and listen. For the introvert, it might meant get up and go. Jesus says it’s all a part of His plan to further His kingdom.

Just so I am clear, being an extrovert or introvert isn’t bad. But one question I want you to think about is:

Does my focus on being an extrovert or introvert keep me from doing what God calls me to do?

Bingo. ‘String‘ #2 (cutting in progress). One more string to go…

 

1 Corinthians 12:14-20// For the body does not consist of one member but of many.  If the foot should say, “Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body,” that would not make it any less a part of the body.  And if the ear should say, “Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body,” that would not make it any less a part of the body.  If the whole body were an eye, where would be the sense of hearing? If the whole body were an ear, where would be the sense of smell?  But as it is, God arranged the members in the body, each one of them, as he chose.  If all were a single member, where would the body be?  As it is, there are many parts, yet one body.

 

The Tie(s) that Bind-Part 2

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When you are walking through something that’s tough or stressful, we don’t always see very clearly. We get so consumed with our present trouble,  we forget to use the previous lessons  that we have learned along the way. That’s exactly the place I had gotten to…I had been doing all that I thought I was supposed to be doing while at the same time I was ignoring promptings to take care of some small things. They just didn’t seem that important compared to what I was having to deal with…but when the little things aren’t dealt with, they become big things.

As I had decided to finally give it all over (for real this time) to Jesus, the relief I felt was almost instant. And in the next several days, He brought a few things to light that I had been neglecting. He also showed me that some of the things I felt ‘stuck’ about were from my own doing.

I’m a big fan of reality but…OUCH.

Most of us among the living are walking around with these invisible strings that we think help us or protect us or allow us to have control over our lives. But when we don’t keep these strings in check, they can end up keeping us all tied up in knots and guess what?

We get stuck.

Here are a few of my recent ‘strings‘:

#1 DISOBEDIENCE

Well, well, well…lookie here! Ugh.

I have known (key word here) that I should be more responsible with my finances. I had taken some small steps but hadn’t surrendered it fully. And you think that I already would have considering this in one of my areas of stress, right? I might be a teensy bit thick skulled at times.

Proverbs 22:17 “The rich rules over the poor, and the borrower is the slave to the lender.”

Boy, did I feel like a slave. So I made the decision that I would trust (another key word) Jesus to provide where I was lacking and I cut up the credit cards. I am now at a lower interest rate and can see the light to getting them paid off. My desire now is to be a good steward with what I have in order that I may help others.

Hebrews 13:5 “Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”

Acts 20:35 “In all things I have shown you that by working hard in this way we must help the weak and remember the words of the Lord Jesus, how he himself said, ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive’.”

Jesus also brought up some other areas of disobedience in my personal life and I am daily handing it off to Him.

Willingly.

Not because I was forced or because ‘that’s just what you are supposed to do.’ I think sometimes that we can view obedience very negatively. Whether it be from past experiences with religion/church or maybe from parental figures that used it in a bad way. Jesus calls us to love and invite Him in FIRST and because we love Him, the RESULT is our desire to be obedient. It’s not ‘You’d better obey me, boy, then you can love me.'(insert redneck voice here)

Lets go back a minute to those key words.

Know(n): God tells us that if we know that we should do something and we don’t do it, it’s sin. (Isaiah 59:2) And sin separates us from God.

Trust: Obedience and trust are like fraternal twins. They are different but are strongly connected. When you choose disobedience, what do you think that is telling Jesus? That you don’t trust Him.

Isaiah 55:8-9 “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth,so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.“

I can say, even though I’m not perfect and I never will be until I leave this earth, that being obedient is a different ball of wax for sure…but I do not want to trade it in and go back to where I was. When you get a fresh breath, you want to keep breathing the same fresh air. And by His grace, I hope to continue.

Are there areas where you know you need to be obedient? What’s keeping you from it?

Or maybe you think this ‘Jesus’ thing is crazy. That’s ok and I appreciate you taking a moment to read through this post…but I also encourage you to seek Him out for yourself. You might be surprised.

‘String‘ #1 is cut. Got a few more to go!

The Tie(s) that Bind-Part 1

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As I sat down to type, I realized that this post might need to be written in installments. Given the weightiness of this topic, it probably would be easier to digest a little bit at a time.

Now, for all the PC folks who may run across this post, here is my disclaimer:

**This post is experience based only. My intention is to share my story and what has helped me, not to diagnose, discredit, or misconstrue mental illness or any other topic that may be addressed. **  Shall we continue? 😉

33.

Yup…that age still sounds weird to me. But not as weird as 34…which is steadily approaching. Yesterday, I had a brief flash back to my senior year of high school and I wondered…is this where my 17 year old self thought I would be at 33? Heck no. To be honest, I couldn’t even imagine myself being 30. Looks like I defied the odds. I’m such a rebel.

So, what does 33 look like for me? Married with 2.5 kids…nope.

Own a home? Uh uh.

401k? What does that even mean? (I’m kidding…I know what it means, but I don’t have one of those either.)

By the world’s standards, things aren’t looking too good for me right now. And for the last few years, I have let those thoughts creep in and set up shop in my mind. I would evict them but eventually they would come up with the rent money and I would let them back in. It’s been exhausting.

During the last 2 years, my chosen career has had a few dips in the road. Potholes would actually be more accurate. After about the first year of this cycle, I was finding myself more and more depressed. Each avenue I would pray about and pursue would end up being a dead end or a closed door. It seemed that I would never be able to move forward.

“Failure to Launch” maybe?

No…I’m pretty sure I launched. It just seems like I didn’t go very far.

Or did I?

 

My mind was overwhelmed in every aspect of the situation. I was angry, confused, TIRED x’s infinity, and anxiety was showing up everywhere I turned. Jesus tells us to bring our thoughts, troubles… EVERYTHING to Him and He will listen. At times, though, it felt like He wasn’t hearing me much at all.

Exodus 14:14 “The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still.”

This. Verse. Was. Everywhere. I knew He was talking to me…but after a year, I’m like “HOW MUCH LONGER?!?!?!?” His response…”a little longer.” Sigh.

The heaviness surrounding me was almost suffocating and about a month ago, I had had enough. Through bitter tears, I let Him know that I was done with all of this and He was going have to fix it. Turns out, that’s what He was waiting on.

And slowly the fog began to lift.

What happened next??? you might say…lol. Part 2 coming right up…

Oh, boy! Another blogger…

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Seriously…that’s how I feel sometimes. Everybody has something to say nowadays and it’s so simple to get your voice out there! And then sometimes it’s annoying…and overrated…and you just want them to stop. Sigh.

So why am I blogging, then? (some of you may ask) And that’s a fair question. I will be honest and say that this has not come without struggle and asking ‘why?’. But for the last several months I have felt prompted to actively write or journal my thoughts and experiences in order for me to be able to process this thing called life…but also to be able to more clearly see how Jesus is changing me and how important and freeing obedience truly is. I have quite the journal collection…most of them half written in and then nothing more for years and years. I wouldn’t call myself consistent in this area…until now.

My approach this time is completely different and definitely not of my own power. I am cautiously excited to share my journey and hope that it might ring true with some of you. Others will not even think twice about reading and that’s totally cool! Take it or leave it. I get it.

For those who are willing…let’s go on an adventure! Who knows where we will end up?

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